Life with 2 under 2 3 months into our journey

So the wee man is now 3months old, 3 months we have been on the crazy journey with 2 under 2. For a while there, I felt like it was getting easier- or more that I was adapting and settling into our new routine. Then there were a few bad days- as in resisting naps, leading to a lot of whinging- late bedtimes as a result and a very sleep deprived mummy. Once you have a few bad days its easy to fall into a bit of a despair about it all and for me, that's when it really starts to go bad. That's when you sit crying wondering how the hell you can keep doing it. Its no secret that I do this whole motherhood gig alone Monday to Friday (I moan about it often enough on Instagram) so on the bad days, when you know that there is no one coming through the door to help with bedtime or to make dinner or let you just go to the bedroom and hide relax for 30 minutes then its hard to remain upbeat and positive about it all. Hard to remind yourself that there are mummies who would do anything to be in your position....because in those moments when you are so tired and frustrated its hard to have perspective.

I promised that I would be positive and embrace each day and generally I believe I do, and it does make all the difference to your mindset. You just have to spin the situation around- Aoibhin wont nap-grand we'll go for a walk, The days are long- head out to the park or the library. Just get out. That's the secret I think- getting out of the house. The days we go to the park or shop help break up the monotony of every day. The packing and unpacking of the car all by yourself is not fun however!.

A typical day for me is like any other mummies, get up, get them dressed, fed and entertained. My day and nights blend into one. Nobody relieves me. My days usually start (ha now that's funny) around 5 with the first feed (not counting the 1am feed as I count that as a night time feed) and then that's me up- Little miss wakes up any time between 6-7:30 and that's where the real fun begins. I get her dressed first thing rather than stay in pjs as god knows when ill get the chance to dress her, get her breakfast and plonk her down with the kindle (yep I'm that parent) all the while little man is usually crying which breaks my heart but I have no choice but to just ignore him. I'll run grab him, plonk down on the sofa feed him, he has a wee snooze on me, Aoibhin plays for a bit then demands care bears by throwing the remote at my face. Some mornings we go for a walk, but it all has to be organised around feed times too. Then Nap time- the biggest battle off the day and the part I dread the most. Aoibhin still naps in her pram, so its a case or rocking her in it, most days she fights it and over an hour later I'm getting frustrated and shes playing up, meanwhile cathal is usually crying. Somedays I feel like joining him. It's just a constant battle. Then theres lunch time, get that organised, prep dinner ready for later, the usual household chores too. Bedtime is another battle. its usually 9 before she settles down. Cathal will only sleep in my arms, once you put him down he wakes up so he won't get to sleep until she's in bed. Basically my day can be summed up like a relay race-constantly running from one post to another only there's no other runners to pass the baton to. When I say to people I don't get a minute I genuinely mean it. I don't write these things for sympathy, just as a way of venting because I'm on my own and I need someone to hear me., to listen to me when I say that no one will ever understand how hard it is on your own. I have been doing this since Aoibhin was born. I'm used to it but it doesn't get any easier. I know all mummies are the same- you never get any time either. Most days I am riddled with guilt- that I  shout at Aoibhin for being noisy if I have managed o get Cathal asleep, guilt that I'm not playing with her, guilt that Cathal is left to cry so I can tend to his big sister, Guilt that there are a million and one things to do around the house, Guilt that I lie down and rest when they do rather than do something- anything more productive.  Guilt that somedays I don't enjoy my maternity leave because it's just such hard work. Just constant Guilt.

Basically what I was trying to say, before I went on a big moany rant, was that the days can be hard but I'm trying my best to face each day with a positive approach and embrace it, because all too soon they'll be a distant memory...and I'll long to have one more minute with them both at this age. Sure if some days weren't so hard you wouldn't appreciate the good ones even more, right?

Is it exhausting? Yes unbelievably so.

Are they worth it? A million times over.