Friday 23 June 2017

In the Eye of the Beholder




Motherhood is a tough gig, we all , as women, I think are just designed to always be hard on ourselves. To always doubt ourselves, judge ourselves and generally just be harsh on ourselves. Are we doing enough? Are we present enough, shout too much, patient enough...I mean the list goes on and on. As if that wasn't enough we then criticise every inch of our bodies- constantly putting ourselves down for our 'mummy tummies' or mourning the body we once knew and loved. That's an awful lot of negativity and pressure we put on ourselves. There's always another mummy we compare ourselves too and think 'If only I was as slim/pretty/well dressed as her...'. We really are our own worst enemy.

I've met some lovely mummies since I began this crazy journey and over the course of our friendships we all have shared the things we dislike about ourselves -things that we try to disguise, or distract attention from. Things that make us feel vulnerable and inadequate. We all have insecurities.
This past week, I was fortunate to meet some of the mummies I have become friends with, and afterwards it really got me thinking about how we all perceive ourselves. What is that old saying...Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder?...well it couldn't be more true. People don't see you the way you have perceived yourself in your mind. They don't see the areas or the features you dislike so immensely. What I see, and what I saw this week, were pretty smiles, a gentle manner, funny and witty personalities, interesting people with kind, genuine hearts. Such pretty and kind women, who really are too harsh on themselves. It really made me realise that the warped view we hold of ourselves is so far from other peoples perceptions of us.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of putting yourself down and highlighting what you think are your worst bits when in reality they have probably gone entirely unnoticed by others. It's time we were all more confident, more proud, more empowered. People remember you for how you make them feel, not for how you looked. Maybe we should all go a little easier on ourselves and embrace and celebrate the things we love about ourselves. Whether that's a compassionate nature, a warm smile, the ability to put someone else at ease or make someone laugh- those are the things we should be embracing. All the rest is just superficial really, and things that can be worked on if you really want to. But be proud of you. Those are some of the things I particularly want to instill in my daughter as she grows up - that she is so much more than just a pretty face, that she has so much more to offer the world. I don't want her to ever feel like her worth is based on how other people perceive her, especially not based on looks alone.

So embrace everything about you- even what you consider to be your flaws- because they could just be the very thing that somebody finds endearing about you.



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Thursday 8 June 2017

Mummys Need Looking after too





Being a mummy is possibly the hardest job in the world- you literally give it your all. Physically, emotionally, mentally- the sleep deprivation, the tantrums, the restless nights when little ones are sick, the constant need to entertain, to provide, to care - not to mention the endless guilt that you just could have gave more or done something a little better, been a little more patient, a little more observant or focused on them.  Of course, that's just me rhyming off the hard parts but then there's the moments everyday that make you remember that it is all so worth it, the smiles, the giggles, the little hand reached up to you when no one else will do but mummy. The innocence and the joy that you get to witness through their eyes. There is no better feeling...But it is still hard and it is so important to look after yourself too.

You cant give it your all every single day, running on empty. You have to stop and recharge. Take a moment and just breathe. I'm learning that more than ever now. I want to be the best I can be and I've realised that in order to do that I need to be kind to myself too, take a bit of time for just me, do something that makes me feel like 'me'. It will make all the difference. Having said that its not easy to step back and allow yourself time out from mummy duties- there never seems to be a minute in the day for anything else but simply getting through the day with 2 little ones, particularly if like me you solo parent a large portion of the week. But, I'm really trying to grasp the concept that you can't pour from an empty cup and trying to implement it into my life. Because I do try and do it all, for many reasons- I want to but also because with my other half away a lot, I feel like I should be the constant in their lives by being there whenever they need me, any time they need me, and I feel guilty for not being there. Doesn't every parent feel guilty constantly?




Guilt aside, I know how important it is to look after yourself and take time out.  For me, that is something as simple as sitting down with a magazine in peace and quiet, lighting one of my favourite candles, buying myself flowers, or new shoes ( maybe a pair too many but Neil never needs to know that), or even just going for a walk where the sole purpose is not just to entertain a toddler and stop to look at every stone ( as much as I love those walks too). Going for a cup of tea, getting your hair done or even just putting on makeup. Just doing something for yourself. Putting yourself first just for a small period of time.

Ask me who my favourite people are to spend time with and I will always say my children and husband, but I also like to spend time with myself. I enjoy my own company. That means allowing myself that time and not feeling guilty for it. I give everything I have to be a mummy, so I think its ok to give myself a bit of my own time too.






Being a mummy is the best job in he world, but even us mummys' need time out too. Take the time mummies-we all deserve it.




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