3 months Old!

We are now 13 weeks old..how has this happened? My little sleepy newborn has been replaced with an energetic, inquisitive (otherwords nosey) and happy little girl who loves cuddles and lights and funny voices-who knew I could be such an entertainer!. We have made it through the tough first newborn stage of endless feeding and sleepless nights, the first two bouts of injections (shes a wee trooper) and finally here we are!. When people say time flies in with a new baby and that they grow too quick-god do they really mean it! It is so bittersweet to leave the newborn days behind but yet welcome all the exciting times ahead when her little personalty is really starting to shine. She is really really trying to talk I swear-she goos and gas and laughs all the time and I truly believe she understands what I say..shes going to be a genius!. We are now officially in our 3-6 month clothes although really shes been bursting out of her 0-3 babygrows for a while I just couldn't bring myself to pack them away, she sleeps on average most nights from 9/10 through to five or six then back down again until 8/9. She is honestly such a content little baby and is an absolute joy and her mummy and daddy are besotted with her.

For all those new mummies facing the dreaded sleep deprivation and sheer exhaustion that goes hand in hand with the first few weeks-believe me it does get easier-unfortunately you are still sleep deprived (you will never ever lie in again-ever) but all the interaction you receive from your little one makes everything so much better-everything will give you so much satisfaction-a big burp is honestly the most satisfying sound in the world (from baby mind not daddy) and those wee smiles and coos first thing in the morning far outweigh those bags under your eyes...so hang in there mummies!. You may even start to have some form of routine in your life now and once you have got use to your little ones ways everything will fall into place-I promise!. We generally have the same routine most days-first feed on waking at 8/9 then a bit of play time on her mat whilst mummy has breakfast then we go for a long walk, back again for another feed, more play time or a little nap, another feed followed by sensory time and after another feed its bath time! . I mean I'm not saving the world in between feeds but I definitely get a chance to catch up on chores (who am I kidding its tea and catching up on Homeland and AHS)-but really I do feel like I am so much more comfortable and confident now and can really achieve so much more in a day-yes they are kind of repetitive but I wouldn't have it any other way. She wont be this small forever and I know when these days are gone I will be heartbroken and yearn for them-so If we want to cuddle all day and have a nap in mummies arms then That's a day well spent. There's plenty of time for 'structured routine' when baby is older so enjoy all these little moments now as they will be gone too soon and just let baby take the lead (I mean we all know who pulls the strings here). Do not compare yourself to other mummies-you do not know what is going on in their lives-they might look like they have it all together but do they really?. We all face the same struggles as new mummies-the constant worry, the sleep deprivation, the struggling to find time to pee because baby has fallen asleep on you and if you move one millimetre they will wake-so just trust in yourself that you are doing a great job; if that means lying at home in your pjs all day or going for coffee all dressed up then good for you. Whatever works for you.

Dealing with Gestatonal Diabetes

Finding out you are pregnant is such an exciting time and there are so many emotions that go through your mind-the constant worry that you are doing all you can for a healthy baby never ends (it gets worse once the little one has made her appearance). It's hard enough carrying a baby both physically, mentally and emotionally (I cried at everything especially anything to do with mummies and babies-poor hubby didn't know what to do with me!) but add in extra complications then it can increase the stress tenfold. For the first 13 weeks of my pregnancy I was so sick-I literally couldn't look/smell or taste food-I would wake up every day and just wish it was bed time so I could escape the nausea for a few hours-this makes me sad to think I felt like that as I should have enjoyed every minute but honestly the nausea was relentless -not to mention I was worried I wasn't eating enough nutrients to nourish our baby. Finally the nausea subsided around week 12/13 ( It came back towards the end so be prepared for third trimester nausea too girls!) and for the second trimester everything was fairly straight forward.My 'bump' didn't really pop until after week 23/24 or so and bar a few niggles and backpains everything was great. Then I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at week 32. And so the fun began....There were so many thoughts going through my head after the diagnosis-would I need medication or insulin? Will my baby be ok? Will I have to be induced or have a csection?.  It's a lot to take in but it is important to remember that it is not your fault-and although you can control it to some extent with diet and exercise-gestational diabetes ultimately has a mind of its own. You might need to be induced, you may also need a csection but on the other hand you might birth a small baby vaginally and have no issues at all. IT just depends. You really have to let go of all preconceptions and go with your body.

Admittedly before I got pregnant I was overweight-not obese by any means but definitely packing a few more pounds than I should have (we're talking double figures here girls!) so I was automatically referred for the glucose tolerance testing at 24 weeks for gestational diabetes-you do not have to go to this if you don't want to but I honestly don't know why anybody wouldn't?.Although I was overweight that doesn't mean that caused me to have gd-there are plenty of women who are slim and active who have gd. It is not our fault-our placentas simply do not work the way they should . It took me a while to let go of my guilt over this. My issue with my weight was more exercise related as I eat fairly healthy incoroporating lots of fruit into my diet so for the first 24 weeks of pregnancy my weight gain was pretty good. My GTT day came and off I trotted to the hospital-the test involves fasting from the previous night then getting a blood sample taken first thing in morning then drinking a high glucose drink within 5-10 minutes, followed by two more blood samples at 1 hour and 2 hours post drink. The test went in fairly quickly and I was told I would only hear from them if there were any issues. So I didn't hear anything so was delighted that I didn't have gd but over the course of the next few weeks I started to think that I did have diabetes-I was thirsty all the time and peeing allllll the time; of course these are typical symptoms of pregnancy too though so at every midwife appointment if my urine was clear I was told not to worry. However at my 30 week appointment I had a small trace of glucose so I just asked to be referred back for peace of mind-so I sat through another GTT and lo and behold I did have gestational diabetes-so my nurse/mother intuition was right!

Waiting for my follow up appointment at the dietitians was the longest wait-Now I'm a nurse myself but even I struggled to know what to eat-I love my fruit so hadn't a clue if I could eat it still. after the appointment armed with knowledge from the dietitian and my glucometer I was ready to go. I was advised to test my sugars at least five times a day I often did it more as I became so paranoid that it was high. I drastically cut fruit from my diet and carbohydrates-switching to basmati rice for my evening meals or a small (and I mean small) portion of potatoes-instead I filled my plate with vegetables . I cut out all sweet treats-I was probably a bit drastic but I just thought I have all the time in the world to eat chocolate the least I can do for my baby is go without for a few short months.. Instead if I fancied a sweet fix I would have half a sachet of hot chocolate (I told you I was drastic). For those with gestational diabetes it really is trial and error-so what worked for me diet wise might not work for someone else. For example all cereal made my sugar rise unless I took one shredded wheat and a dribble of milk and lets face it it's not appetising nor is it adequate for a pregnant woman. I typically took two slices of Burgen bread in the mornings with peanut butter and my levels were always ok-but yet many others had issues with bread. I swapped to basmati rice and drank more water than I have ever drank in my life-not to mention eggs-boiled,scrambled, poached, omelettes-did I mention boiled??. I remember saying I never wanted to see another egg again but yet I still love them!. Walking can help stabilise your sugars too-unfortunately for me my legs and feet were that swollen (The oedema annoyed me far more than the diabetes) that I could only manage a stroll around our back garden.

Gestational Diabetes does come with its risks and it is so important to monitor your levels throughout-my advice is really trial and error all foods and see what works for you-do not beat yourself up if you have one high reading-how else will you know what causes your sugars to rise. Typically you should aim for foods with low glycemic index to help control your levels. Yes it is tough saying goodbye to all your favourite foods but the reward is so much better.The advantages are you are closely monitored and get extra scans to see baby-which makes it all so worth it!. I kind of miss those appointments. For most women GD goes away after birth, and I seem to have been one of those lucky ones but I still try and incorporate the gd diet even now-I only gained 2stone 4lbs whilst pregnant and lost it all and more within 2 weeks after birth so it really was a blessing in disguise for me. So if you do develop Gestational Diabetes try not to panic-there's lots of support out there especially on instagram. And just remember when it gets tough and you have pricked your figure for the 276th time that you will be getting something so precious at the end. I would endure a million finger pricks for my beautiful girl who was born fit and well and a bouncing 8lbs13ozs.

Dealing with Reflux

Bringing your newborn home from hospital is an amazing moment for any parent-those first few days of getting to know your little one and oohing and ahhing over this wonderful little baby that you have created;but it can also be daunting and overwhelming especially for a first time mummy. Getting used to their little ways and figuring out what their needs are just by the sounds of their cry can take a while. Add colic and Reflux into the mix and it gets a lot more daunting. My little girl was a great sleeper and feeder from the moment she was born-I remember in the hospital ward all the babies screaming and I would just glance at her settled in her cot and think how lucky I was!. Don't get me wrong she is still a good little baby and is an absolute delight-she rarely cries, even now, unless she is in pain-but when she does cry for that reason its very upsetting to see.

After a few weeks at home, we noticed that after nearly every single feed she would bring milk back up-on many occasions she would projectile vomit and it would shoot across the room The look on her face told you it was coming-it was horrible to see: her wee face would contort in pain and a look of sheer panic would overcome her. Imagine seeing that look on your 4 week old baby. Horrible. The projectile vomiting combined with her painful cries after feeds told me something was wrong-the health visitors at first kept saying it was normal and lots of babies 'possett'. This was not posseting and combined with the CONSTANT hiccups I knew she needed something to alleviate the distress so I went to the GP.

Having a baby with Reflux is not just upsetting to see but it also hinders time with your baby. Our days were spent trying to prevent her from being sick. After every feed we would hold her upright for well over an hour to try and prevent her from bringing milk up   (it didn't always work) and by the time you feel you can set her down she was either sick then or it was nearly time for another feed.Leaving the house during those early weeks was almost impossible as everything had o revolve around feeding times and incorporating enough time to keep her upright after feeds so the window of time was drastically reduced when we could do or go anywhere. Even going for a walk felt like a military operation-timing was everything!. The amount of sheets for the moses basket that we went through!. We couldn't lay her flat on her back as she would be sick-This upset me as I felt she was missing out on 'playtime' and stimulation time lying on her playmat as she was always stuck in my arms. But really the worst bit of course was seeing her in distress and worrying why she was so forcefully being sick. As a first time mummy you just don't know and people telling you 'it's normal all babies are sick' really doesn't help nor does people giving you their uninvited advice. The truth is all babies are different so what worked for Mrs Jones baby down the road might not work for me.

We adapted all methods of prevention we could to help the Colic and Reflux-winding her regularly,Infacol and Gripe to settle the trapped wind, Dr Browns bottles.trying to feed little and often in the hope that the smaller quantity would stay down. We kept her upright during feeds and well after-even up to an hour and a half after as sometimes she would even vomit up to two hours after a feed just when you thought she had settled. We elevated the head of the moses basket (under the wooden frame not the mattress) and even bought a foam wedge (the wedgehog) to place on her playmat so she could play but not have to lie flat. These went some way to improve her symptoms but following two really bad days were she projectile vomited all her feeds we knew that medication was a likely solution. Then we were prescribed Carobel-a thickener for her milk-this works by thickening the milk to a consistency that allows it to stay down. This worked well but didn't stop the vomiting altogether and when she was sick it was thick and sticky consistency. So back to the Gp we went and were perscribed Ranitidine (or Zantac) which basically works by reducing the amount of acid the stomach produces. The thickener and Ranitidine combined do really seem to have worked well-she still brings up some milk but less regularly and we now are able to venture out of the house-maybe combined with the fact that I have become more relaxed about it all. I know she may and probably will still be sick but it doesn't panic me anymore-I just always make sure we have plenty of bibs and babygros with us!. By far the best thing though is watching her play on her playmat full of smiles and giggles. We have such a beautiful content and settled little baby.

So my advice is do whatever you think is best-if that's trial and error so be it, listen to your own instincts-if you feel something isn't working then try something else.Don't be swayed by other people and certaintly don't let people make you feel like you are just panicking because 'its your first baby'.

My Birth Story

I don't know about everyone else but I love reading birth stories so I though I would share mine! When I was pregnant I would spend forever on the internet googling birth stories even took it as far as watching birth videos on youtube-but they didn't scare or terrify me instead I just cried reading and watching them-The moments the mothers described holding their baby for the first time just had me in tears and I could not wait to experience that special moment. Yes I knew it would be painful and yes I was nervous but I was also so excited to meet our beautiful little girl. You spend all those months waiting to see their little face and imagining whos' features they have, who they will look like and what kind of little button nose they will have that the excitement overshadows the rest.

As a first time mummy of course I was apprehensive about giving birth but I felt that I could cope as I believe I have a high pain threshold and I still think I manage well with pain after it all. Over the course of the pregnancy I developed gestational diabetes so I had to endure the glucose tolerance test twice so I was well used to being poked and prodded - because of the GD and the baby measuring bigger I was given a date for induction-at First I was disappointed and upset as I really wanted to experience the natural 'waters breaking' and all the excitement that comes with that of racing around the house frantically to get up to the hospital-but after a while I realised it didn't matter and it probably was for the best as my husband works away so actually having a definite date meant he would be home. So that was a relief. My date for induction was Monday 7th September (my due date was 17th) and of course I googled inductions and read horror stories-but I put on my positive pants and said whatever will be will be. The only thing I knew was most likely a certainty was my labour experience would be longer as inductions- particularly for first time mums tend to be.So here goes with the actual hard bit....grab a cup of tea it's a long one..

On the Monday we headed to the hospital-the drive down was surreal-the next time we would be in the car with a baby! I was so relaxed heading down as I made sure the weekend had been just me and husband relaxing with no visitors . We headed in to the labour ward (eventually found it after walking in to post natal ward and being told 'No you have a bump you definitely don't belong here') and were brought through to the induction bay-The midwife came and spoke to us and explained the process and then it began-the first step is inserting the pessary to help dilate the cervix. Honestly this was the worst part of the whole labour  for me-It was agony maybe because I hadn't really anticipated it being as painful or maybe because the lady across from me had just had it inserted and I didn't hear a peep out of her.....well I was in for a shock-I suppose to explain what its' like is that it is basically a 'tampon' that you need to place up at the cervix. However,  apparently my cervix was so far back and because I was in so much pain ( I was desperately looking at my husband screaming 'I cant do this while shouting profanities at the midwife to stop) that she had to stop and so wasn't sure if it was in far enough to work effectively. After the pessary was in I was free to walk about-having to come back every hour or so to be strapped up to monitors to keep an eye on baby. Nothing much really happened for me on the Monday-I was told I woudn't be checked again until the following morning when I would be brought over to the delivery room. So Monday day was spent walking and bouncing on the ball-I experienced some mild back aches but nothing else. I was so terrified of the pessary falling out and having to get it reinserted that I was moving around at the speed of a little old lady. So Monday came and went and hubby was sent home until the Tuesday Morning where I was moved over to the delivery room.

I was talked through what was to come and then because I had been so distressed with the examination the previous day a doctor came to examine me and break my waters-anticipating that this would be as painful if not more so than the insertion of the pessary I opted for gas&air-I was so disappointed to find I was only 1cm but it was better than 0cm I suppose!. The doctor then broke my waters-this was uncomfortable and at one point I felt like she was cutting me with whatever instrument they use to break your waters-probably because I was only 1cm so it was more difficult to get in there!. my waters came gushing out-it is the strangest feeling but also quite weirdly enjoyable-the fluid literally kept coming-I had to strip off my nightie and the bedsheets twice as it just kept coming and coming!. After the waters being broke my midwife took her morning break so when she came back after 10:30am they started the hormone drip which they gradually keep increasing- this increases the intensity and timing of contractions. For the first few hours I was content breathing my way through the contractions and bouncing on my ball-walking about wasn't really an option as baby and I had to be continuously monitored so those straps combined with all the venflons made it difficult to manoeuvre-After about four hours I moved to gas and air which really really helped with the contractions which were definitely increasing in intensity at this stage. I was still able to go on my phone and chat freely with the Midwife and my husband. By about 6pm the contractions were getting really strong and I opted to move on to Remifentanil which is a morphine based drug which is administered by a cannula and you control the administration of it yourself (it's a patient controlled analgesia) It is short acting so I would hit the button every time I felt a contraction coming and it would ease it a little-you have to hit it right on time though otherwise it wont help!. My urine also started showing traces of ketones so I was hooked up to fluids. I literally had cannulas everywhere. After another hour or so (around 7pm roughly-it's so hard to remember exact times) I hadn't passed urine in a few hours so I was catheterised-this was one thing I hadn't wanted(as well as c section but more on that in a bit) but it had to be done-I remember begging with them to take it out though as it was hurting so bad and they tried to convince me to leave it in but after a while having passed urine (I presume I did anyway) they took it out for me. I knew at the time if I needed a csection it would have to be reinserted but it was so painful I wanted it out-it just didn't feel right (and I was right as it caused issues for me later) By this stage the contractions were pretty intense and people were coming and giong out of the room-different midwives and doctors and anesthetists- you really lose track of who is there and to be honest you don't care. I was stripped to my nursing bra and couldn't give a fiddlers who saw me.you really do leave your dignity at the door. By around 10pm I was examined and I was 10cm! So from 11am to 10pm I had fully dilated-I was so happy at that moment I remember joking and saying 'More importantly does she have any hair?- my husbands hair is so thick&dark that I was expecting the baby to have a full head of curly black hair! I remember the consultant who had examined me said to the midwife that 'we could start pushing in an hour' and I practically screamed at her why I couldn't start pushing now!.

After that it all kind of blurs into one big memory-I just remember the pain intensified tenfold-and I was pushing and pushing-my back was in agony so I couldn't lie on my back and I just remember babbling to the midwife and the doctor who was now there that I had always had a sore back all my life(I'm sure they weren't in the slightest bit interested)-so I positioned myself on all fours on the bed. Everything is a blur-I remember being so thirsty and asking for water and then promptly projectile vomiting it into everyones' faces...people came and went out of the room enquiring what stage I was at-greeted of course by my big bare ass in their faces as I clung to the head of the bed...not a pretty sight I can assure you all!. The pain at this stage was excruciating and really and truly the only way to escape it was to push through the pain-honestly the pain disappears for those few moments when you push!

After pushing for nearly two hours Consultants and surgeons came in and decided that I would go to theatre-now a Csection was something I absolutely did not want; I even had in my birth plan I really didn't want it-but by that stage I knew it was heading that way although I continued to push and push in the hope she would make an appearance! Theatre was busy so I had to wait until after 1am to be brought down so all I could do was push through the contractions until theatre became available. My lovely ted stockings were finally put on and I was wheeled down to theatre, by this stage my hair was stuck to my head as I had sweated buckets whilst pushing. Hubby was brought down to gown up whilst I was brought in and more venflons inserted and the epidural given-I remember the theatre phone ringing and someone answering it and complaining that they were still here as another one had came in-even in my drugged state I thought 'How rude!'. Once I was all prepped and lay down hubby was brought in and of course at that minute we both started crying-they tried forceps first in the hope of avoiding a csection and the Surgeon kept saying he thought he could get her out with the forceps but couldn't in the end so they started to work on me and all I could feel was soooo much tugging and pulling-I felt like they were rummaging around up in my chest! Our beautiful daughter came into the world at 02:19am screaming her wee lungs out literally felt like seconds after they had started working on me. Hubby got to hold her after she had been checked over and I just remember stroking her little cheek and staring at her-my entire body was shaking so much at this point and I felt so nauseous. Hubby was brought back to our room while they fixed me back up-this bit seemed to take for ever and my mouth was sooo dry I could not even speak-my tongue was actually sticking to the roof of my mouth..Finally I was brought back to our room to see our beautiful daughter...nd to get a drink..I really really needed a drink of water!

My birth didn't go the way I had wanted and I still feel disappointed and cheated that I couldn't give birth vaginally and feel her little head come out but I try not to dwell on it-I did what I had to do to bring her into the world and she is here safe and well and that is the most important thing to me. If I have another baby I would really love to avoid a csection but if it came down to it I would at least be prepared for what it entails!. I loved my actual labour and the contractions and amazed myself at how well I coped. It is amazing what a woman can do, my husband had so much admiration for me at seeing what I went through and I'm pretty darn proud of myself too!. At the end of the day whether you give birth vaginally, planned section, emergency Csection or instrumental delivery-you have still given birth to your child and it is the most beautiful thing in the world. Your life changes in an instant and my heart is overwhelmed with love for my beautiful daughter and my husband. You really do forget about the pain, although when people ask and I tell them I enjoyed it they look at me like I'm crazy!.

I would do it all over again tomorrow !

Baby Shower

I knew when I found out we were pregnant that I wanted to have a Baby Shower-and I literally would spend hours on instagram scrolling through the baby shower hashtags for ideas. We found out at our 20 week scan that we were having a girl (I knew it from the moment I found out I was pregnant) but even if I had any doubts I was glued to the ultrasound screen so knew it was a girl even before they asked if we wanted to know-we also went for a private gender scan to confirm, but really it was an excuse to see our little baby again. So we knew early on but chose not to tell anybody else. I loved that it was just us that knew about our daughter and it was so special keeping that secret between us, it made me feel even closer to my bump . However, we decided to let everyone know at the baby shower which we held when I was nearly 36 weeks pregnant,

The Baby Shower for me wasn't about presents-I actually told everyone not to bring gifts..yes I am strange...I just wanted a day of laughter and joy and happiness. I organised it all myself and kept all the details to myself-I love organising parties as I love letting my creative side loose and it meant the day would be exactly as I wanted. There was cake (OH MY GOD THE CAKE) delicious food, drinks and games with prizes for the winners! .But the main attraction of the day was the gender reveal-I decorated a big box (the one the pram came in) and filled it with pink helium balloons then decorated all the outside of the box pink and blue. Everybody was convinced we were having a boy so everybody was surprised to see the pink balloons floating up in the clouds. Here's a few snippets-I should have took better pictures but I was too busy enjoying it all!. There is a video of the balloon release on my instagram (marymdoll) if you want a look!.

Where does the time go

I know this blog was primarily set up as Thebeautyfairground but my life has changed in the last year so its only natural that my blog should evolve with it hence the name change to FromBeautytoBaby-I intend to continue with beauty posts as well as some lifestyle posts BUT you can be guaranteed that there will be baby posts and spam-and lots of it. Having said that as much as I still love all things makeup I doubt I will be as frivolous with my money now-I much prefer buying my wee girl things-it brings me far more joy than buying a new foundation for £30!.

 So its safe to say the past 8 weeks have just flew in for me-when people say your children grow up too quickly they really mean it! The past 8 weeks have passd in a blur of being pooed and peed on, learning to eat what I can when I can and drinking cold cups of tea because you know that as soon as I sit down she starts to cry or want attention-wee rascal!...but I have loved it all-even the sleep deprivation and the hair that must have a few cans of dry shampoo in it by now. My little sleepy newborn has disappeared into a beautiful, alert, curious and playful little girl full of giggles and smiles. As much as I love this phase I am sad to see the newborn phase go-shes not my small delicate little baby anymore! Nobody can prepare you for motherhood-the love you feel is indescribable and all I want to do is protect her. it is such a learning curve but I really think it is something you have to learn for yourself-making your own mistakes along the way.

So if you all bear with me whilst I get back into the swing of things and I'll hopefully be back with regular posts. Here's a few snippets of my gorgeous girl..I'm so in love..

Getting Back on it

So I've went a bit crazy re uploading my previous blog posts-not all of them just a few snippets as it would take me foreverrrr to uplaod them-but head over to my google account if you want to see more. I am in the process of getting my blog redesigned and intend to be back at blogging very soon-just need to fit that in around a 6 week old baby so wish me luck!

All dolled up

Weekend Away

Sanctuary

Best Of Soap&Glory

Battle of the dry Shampoos

Dolly Mixtures

why did I do it?

Urgh so some of you may remember my blog thebeautyfairground (no maybe not) but I worked pretty hard at it-taught myself the basics and amassed well over a 100 followers on bloglovin-which I was pretty proud of-then in January I went and deleted it. I dont really know why-some sort of confidence crisis and coupled with the fact that we found out I was pregnant I just felt I wouldnt have time to devote to it-now as I near the end of my pregnanacy I find that I miss my blog but it's gone forever so I will have to start from scratch again...here's a link to some of my old posts if you fancy jogging your memory https://plus.google.com/u/0/107794507029663385374/posts Meanwhile I have to try and teach myself the basics again because I cannot remember anything! I could kick myself really but what is done is done!

mary.